Better Now

I’m doing better. I chilled out and did NOT rage at him, nor did I binge on carbs. I stayed steadfast to keto and am almost into Onederland.

More than that, I did some serious thinking about why exactly I was so ragey. Part of it was due to his actions and what he said, though the other part came from me – my expectations, my underlying feelings of resentment looking for a way out and a target to land  on.

This blog is about my transformation, not just on the outer level as I melt away the pounds, but also, Continue reading Better Now

Anger

I have some trouble with emotional eating. In the past, anger has sent me straight into that death spiral known as the carb binge. It can be so intense that in my craving, I can actually sense a phantom taste of the carbs that I crave dancing on my tongue as the saliva starts the flow in anticipation of the feast. Literally. I can literally taste the bread, the french fries, the Classic Coke. In the the past, the next inevitable step would be to gorge until I’d reached maximum satiety with a heaping steaming helping of self-loathing.

Well, tonight I am as angry as I have been in recent memory. I can taste my desire – at this moment, they are kettle style potato chips, all salt and lovely oil-saturated matrix of potato starches – and I am resisting it, but it still leaves me with the anger to manage, since I have no means of sublimating it away from my psyche. Continue reading Anger

The Color Purple…

…is a beautiful color, when it comes to Ketostix. Last night, I tested my urine, and the tip of the stick came back medium-dark purple, indicating moderate ketones in the urine. A good sign, pointing toward my being in a state of ketosis, or prime fat-burning.

I’ve been going to the gym in the mornings, too, four out of the five past days, I made it to the gym and got in some time on the elliptical. On my regular work days, I leave the house at 7; in order to get in the full 45 minutes , I would have to get up at 4 and leave the house by 4:20 to ensure that my normal morning routine isn’t disrupted. What can I say? I’m a creature of habit. I like my leisurely, quiet mornings with breakfast, green tea and internet.  I cannot stand being rushed. For me, it sets the day off on the wrong foot. Continue reading The Color Purple…

Doing Well!

On a whim, I stepped on the scale at work yesterday, fully clothed, mid-day, braced to expect the worst, when I saw that I’d lost everything I’d put back on and am below where I was when I stalled back in April.

Fantastic!

One thing though, my boyfriend is going to be difficult. He made ribs today, and used brown sugar in the rub, and included honey in the braising liquid. When I told him that I wouldn’t have any because of the sugar and honey, he was surprised.

“Really? No sugar at all?”

He tried to get me to eat some later, but I held fast and made myself chorizo and eggs for supper. Continue reading Doing Well!

Starting Anew

I had a major backslide. My boyfriend moved in with me back in mid-April,and shortly thereafter I started a new job, so I had multiple stressors to manage, and I did not cope well. Lots of stress eating, loads of carb-heavy comfort foods – having another cook doing 99.99% of the cooking didn’t help there – plus my exercise routine came to a screeching halt. Ugh.

But instead  of beating myself up over it, Continue reading Starting Anew